Immaturity

I feel you could have ellipses at the beginning to introduce the concept more and ease us into it, if that makes sense? At the moment, I feel as if it's a bit too abrupt, but I guess you could say that reflects the concept of death... not being able to die yet... it's interesting becuase it's quite thought-provoking, but you've also given us a bit of the story therefore making it more mysterious?

That could just be me, though.

Great concept.